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26 November 2010 @ 06:09 pm
Pansy Parkinson Does NOT Do Cuddling (Pansy/Astoria)  
Title: Pansy Parkinson Does Not Do Cuddling
Author: themajoritylied
Pairing: Pansy/Astoria
Disclaimer: Nothing's mine but the plot!
Summary: Pansy does a lot of things (and people), but there's one thing she absolutely does not do.



"She’s just so bloody strange, though, isn’t she?”

           Pansy shrugged, examining her dark green, silver-tipped nails. “What do you think, Daph?”

           “I think she should go back to lunatic lane where she-”

           “Of the color, you stupid twit,” Pansy snapped, thrusting her fingers in Daphne’s face rudely. “What do you think of the color?”

           Daphne bristled at the insult. “I think it’s gaudy,” she said with a sniff. “He’ll never notice you, you know. No matter how horrendously ugly your nails are.”

           “Don’t be so bitter just because your boyfriend has all the sexual appeal of the wrong end of a flobberworm,” Pansy shot back. “If your sister would stop throwing herself at Draco, we’d be Hogwarts’ favorite couple again.”

           “Not while Potter and the Weaslette are still together, you won’t,” Daphne stated.

           Pansy scoffed. “Please,” she sneered. “Potter is fruitier than Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans.”

           “So’s Draco, but you’re still fighting my sister over him,” Daphne replied.

           “I don’t have to fight your sister over anyone,” Pansy growled, leaning forward across the coffee table that separated them. “If I was really trying, she wouldn’t even remember Draco’s name when I was through with her.”

           Daphne raised her eyebrows carefully. “You’d seduce her, Pans?”

           “That’s not what I said.”

           “But it would certainly keep her mind off Draco, wouldn’t it?” Daphne asked, contemplating it. She really, really didn’t like Pansy, always telling her what to do and insulting her when she did it wrong, and sometimes even when she didn’t. An idea occurred to her, and she fought to keep the smirk off her face. “But I don’t think you could do it, anyway. Best forget about that.”

            Pansy narrowed her eyes. “Do what?”

            “Seduce Astoria,” Daphne repeated with pursed lips. If she knew Pansy, which, unfortunately, she did, Pansy wouldn’t be able to turn down a challenge. “You couldn’t do it.”

            Pansy’s eyes narrowed and she leaned over so that she was less than an inch from Daphne’s triumphant smirk. “Watch me,” she hissed before getting up and stalking up to the prefect’s dormitory.


At dinner, Pansy flounced down the Slytherin table, stopping where Astoria was eating with her friends. She noticed with a grimace that Draco had chosen to sit with her as well.

           “Could I have a word?” she asked sharply, almost causing the younger Greengrass to go into cardiac arrest. She’d have to work on that.

          Slowly, Draco raised his head, smirk in place as ever. “About what, Pans?” he asked, not moving.

          Pansy rolled her eyes dramatically. “Not you,” she sighed. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Crabbe and Goyle nudging each other, staring at her with wide eyes. “Oh, for the love of Merlin’s balls, not you horrid oafs!” she snapped, exasperated, finally resorting to yanking on Astoria’s wrist, drawing her away from the table. “Ta, Draco!” she called out over her shoulder, waving to the still smirking blond. “And you…”

           She didn’t say a word until they reached the bathrooms and Pansy backed Astoria into a wall. “Um, Pansy, what are you-”

           “Do you fancy Draco?” Pansy asked, glancing in the mirror and brushing back her stylish black bob with her hand.

           Astoria blushed and looked away as Pansy watched her carefully in the mirror. “Maybe a bit,” she said quietly. Pansy raised an eyebrow; if there was anything you didn’t do in Slytherin, it was admit to fancying Draco to Pansy Parkinson. “I mean, he’s really charming when you get to know him, and there are certainly others I fancy more-”

           The blonde jumped as Pansy slammed her wand down on the sink. “Of course he’s bloody charming; that doesn’t mean you can moon after him like some pathetic wanker!”

            By this time Astoria’s eyes were as wide as saucers, and she was trembling against the sinks, Pansy hovering inches from her face.

            “Since you obviously don’t know shite yet, I’ll fill you in,” Pansy sneered, taking another step towards Astoria. “No one makes eyes at Draco while I’m around.”

            For some reason, this statement seemed to give Astoria confidence and the younger girl braced herself, standing up straighter. “Well you weren’t around until a moment ago, and we were having a bloody brilliant time.”

            Pansy bared her teeth. “Brilliant?” she hissed. “Draco can’t show you a brilliant time if you gave him a bloody list. If you want to see a brilliant time…” She trailed off, running a finger down Astoria’s arm, almost loosing her composure when the girl’s skin was softer than she’d expected.

            Astoria’s eyes were a darker blue now, glazed over by something Pansy couldn’t place and didn’t care to anyway. Bugger Daphne, anyway. “And what if I do?”

            Pansy smirked and took a step closer; Astoria didn’t back away this time. “If you do,” she murmured, brushing her lips against Astoria’s ear, running them over the diamond stud, “then maybe you should be looking…elsewhere…leave Draco to those who can tolerate him.”

            “What if I don’t want to leave you to Draco?” Astoria asked boldly, though she was shaking. Pansy was impressed; Astoria was a Slytherin through and through. Never show fear. “What if I want you all to myself?” Her arms slipped around Pansy’s neck and this time Astoria took a step closer, pressing her lips to the older girl’s collarbone. “I really do detest him, you know.”

            Pansy’s dark eyes widened more and more with each statement, and she almost ran when Astoria met her gaze with eyes so dark and desire-ridden they were almost black. “Why?” It was all she could manage while still remaining in control of the situation.

            Astoria pursed her lips as she ran a finger over Pansy’s defined collarbone where her lips had just been. She opened her mouth slowly, as if she was contemplating her answer. “Because…,” she began, “you two are practically an item, aren’t you? I wouldn’t have a chance with you if he ever grew the balls to ask you out. If he didn’t like blokes in the first place.”

            Pansy opened her mouth to protest but lost her words as Astoria seized her opportunity, darting forward to steal a long, forceful kiss. Pansy lost herself (or found that she didn’t really care anymore, one of the two) and jerked Astoria closer to her, her hands holding the younger girl secure to her body as she heightened the kiss.

            Astoria’s arms around her neck felt heavy and right at the same time as the younger Slytherin pulled her down closer. Pansy, never one to dwell on the actual substance of a relationship, had already located Astoria’s knickers beneath her skirt. She smirked when her cool fingers found exactly the right spot and Astoria’s arms tightened immensely around her shoulders as she trembled, helpless to Pansy’s touch.

            Coincidentally that same night, Pansy discovered her parents hadn’t been completely barking mad when they forced her into piano lessons at an early age.



“Why do you spend so much time with Draco, anyway?” Pansy asked, focusing on a strand of blonde hair she was currently curling around her finger. Her other arm was thrust loosely over Astoria’s shoulders. “If you can’t stand him.”

             The blonde shrugged dismissively. “Keeps him away from you, I ‘spose,” she said lightly as she pressed long, pressured kisses up the pale column of Pansy’s neck. “Only one who knows, other than you, obviously, is Daphne.”

              “Daph…” Pansy’s eyes widened before becoming two slits as she sat up so quickly that Astoria fell off the side of the bed. “That bitch!” She started to pull on her robes; it was off to the Great Hall to find that sneaky, conniving toad. Probably all over Draco, too, but Pansy found she didn’t really care about that so much at the moment.

              “What about her?” Astoria asked, rubbing her head as she sat up. Her hair was a mess, her heavy eyeliner smeared, and she was wearing nothing but the diamonds in her ears. Pansy couldn’t resist the urge to lean over and take Astoria’s lips in her own for a long, possessive kiss, because Pansy was a Slytherin, and what was Pansy’s was Pansy’s, and no one else’s.

               Then it was off to the Great Hall to hex the knockers off Daphne.


“You stupid twat,” Pansy snarled as she came face to face with a smirking Daphne sipping on pumpkin juice after most of the students had left the Great Hall for classes. “You knew, didn’t you?”

               “She told you, did she?” Daphne asked with a shit-eating grin. “Good luck getting rid of your biggest admirer, Parkinson.” She scooted closer to Draco, resting her hand on his forearm. “I don’t suppose you’ll have time for men anymore.”

               “Bugger off, Greengrass,” she growled. At least the drooling oafs were more focused on Daphne today. “And I think you know bloody well I’m not talking about her feelings!”


               Pansy cringed as the shrill squeal abused her eardrums; she’d already decided that Astoria’s voice was much better suited for different activities that didn’t include talking as a necessity. Seconds later, a pair of arms snaked around Pansy’s waist and the Slytherin suppressed a groan. “Wait for me over there, okay?” Pansy said, nodding to a bench a few benches down. Astoria grinned and pecked her cheek before running off.

               “Did I forget to tell you my sister tends to get clingy the morning after?” Daphne cooed sweetly.

               “Oh hahabloodyha,” Pansy growled, fighting the urge to hex Daphne. “You know what? Fuck you, Greengrass.”

               “And here I thought you already had.”


Current Mood: boredbored
Chloebabes~: :)shychloe on November 27th, 2010 02:16 am (UTC)
This is so nice. First time I've ever read a fic for this pairing before.
Christopher: StickEvila_respite on November 27th, 2010 02:47 am (UTC)
This was wonderful, and so perfectly, perfectly Slytherin. Loved the characterizations, loved the subterfuge, loved the twist at the end. Perfect, wonderful little piece.
dexstarrdexstarr on November 27th, 2010 03:50 am (UTC)
Very Slytherin of all of them, indeed! This is a pairing I like but have rarely read, so it was nice to see it, and I enjoyed it quite a bit. Astoria was adorably sexy, and I liked Daphne's ending bit about Astoria being clingy.
musicffmemusicffyou on November 27th, 2010 04:33 am (UTC)
This is the first time I've read this pairing without one of them ending up hurt or backstabbing each other in the back. I love it!! I call for more chapters please
themajorityliedthemajoritylied on November 27th, 2010 04:39 am (UTC)
Wow, everyone! Thanks so much for all the feedback so quickly after I put this up! I actually wasn't sure how this would turn out since I've never written them before, and I was afraid that I didn't do such a great job on it, so thanks for all the reviews! =)
pettybureaucratpettybureaucrat on November 27th, 2010 12:56 pm (UTC)
Loved it. Always nice to see Pansy get some comeuppance, not that she didn't enjoy it, obviously.